Love without assurances: a common story in Cuban society

A mini photo album, a caricature and Abba records are some of the few belongings that Reynier Díaz Negrín, a.k.a. Rey, keeps from his relationship with Alberto Milián Sierra, his partner for more than seven years.

They met when he was 25 and Alberto was 44, but the age difference did not prevent them from falling in love. A meeting on the seawall avenue, a breakfast together and hours of listening to Abba’s music and loving each other were enough for them to decide to start a life together after dating for three months.
"I loved his name, his physique, his intelligence, but above all his energy; that man did not rest even when he slept, his pep was really contagious," says Rey. “Our lives were very different, I was used to a quiet routine and he would always come up with something new. I had to learn to keep up with him and help him with his work; I fell a little behind in my studies, but my goal was always to graduate.”

They set up home and made plans and projects together, from buying a TV set to having a child. Alberto had two children from previous heterosexual relationships, but this was not a problem for the couple, who visited both families weekly, shared birthdays and helped with household chores.

They seemed to live in complete happiness until one day, when the unexpected happened.

"I was getting ready for my graduation, it was going to be one of my most important days. I went to have a haircut and when I came back I found him dead," Rey recalls, his voice choked with emotion. “It was quite a shock. I felt like the world had stopped; I couldn't understand why this was happening to us. I have no words to explain what I felt at that moment."

However, something else would add to his grief.

“I always knew that Alberto's heir would be his son, but since I was in good terms with the family, I thought I could keep some objects which had great sentimental value for me. It was seven years of acquiring assets and we never worried that something like this could happen,” he moaned. “I realized that I had no legal rights and was afraid of losing so many things full of memories. I couldn’t keep any of the things that we had liked and bought, even if they meant nothing compared to the loss of the person. For instance, we had got a set of Republican-style furniture, since we both loved antiques, but I couldn’t keep it any more than I could our bed, our coffee pot, or the fishbowl that he gave me on Valentine’s Day. It was heartbreaking.”

Even if he assures that it could have been worse—Alberto’s family did not ask him to leave the house right away—he does believe they could have been more sensitive.

"You can be liked and tolerated, which is not the same as respected, but when it comes to material things, the weakest link always breaks," he says, thinking of so many other similar cases.

Rey had to start from scratch, return to his old neighborhood and get by with the help of family and friends. Eight years have passed since Alberto’s death, but he still cannot sleep without hugging a pillow that reminds him of his partner.

"One never gives up on love and living as a couple, but this is worrying. I know that if I venture into something like that again I have to think of alternatives such, for starters, a last will. It hurts to get into a relationship with such a materialistic view and establish what’s mine or his in case something happens,” Rey laments. “The rights of homosexual couples have no legal protection in Cuba today. I hope that the new Family Code will change that so that no one has to go through the same things that I did.”

The draft Family Code, currently submitted to popular consultation, provides for the recognition of same-sex relationships—either in marriage or in a civil union—and establishes that marriage is the voluntarily agreed union of two persons with legal capacity to do so and who intend to live together based on affection, love and mutual respect.

Upon the death of one of the spouses, the clothes, furniture of essentially sentimental value and other belongings that constitute the common household goods are given to the surviving spouse, without them being counted in his or her share of the inheritance.

Affective unions are possible between two legally capable individuals who share a common, singular and steady life project for at least two years. In the event of death or judicial presumption of death of one of the partners, the surviving partner may take the relevant action to prove the existence of the de facto relationship to a court of law as established by law.